i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize