My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
