My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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