did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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