What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
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