i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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