NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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