You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
