kristin has been a bad kristin
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Randomize
