4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
