GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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