How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
