Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Randomize
