having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
