K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize