Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
