he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Randomize
