i permit you to call me
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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