Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Randomize