even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
