Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
