Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
