I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize