Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
