we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
