i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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