the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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