So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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