Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize