The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
