I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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