I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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