If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
