Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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