Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Randomize
