I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
