Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Randomize
