So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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