I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
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