YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
