I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
