Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
