i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
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