if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
