i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
