Whod you bang
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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