Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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