party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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