I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
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