Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
