just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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