Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
