We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
