Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
is that a dick in a sweater?
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
