Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
