sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
