Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Randomize
