Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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