im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize