Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Randomize
