the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
