4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I hope whoever gets these locks of love doesn't have a drug test anytime soon
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
