Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
