i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize