I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
