worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
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