get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
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