Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
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