Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
