I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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