I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
