What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
