She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
