Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize