I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I got inside last night via doggy door
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
