my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
